Mostly though, I woke up today feeling small. Empty. Weak. Not in a despairing or fearful way. It feels very real and honest in a "we carry this treasure in earthen vessels" sort of way. Saying it aloud doesn't make me feel more exposed or vulnerable than I already feel as I consider the journey in front of us.
More than a few people look at what we are doing and don't really get it. They ask hypothetical 'what ifs' about our son and family as if we haven't already lost sleep considering those things. Or they think they whole thing is about being a good Christian, as if we are particularly hardcore or zealous in some way they don't want to be.
Most people however, have encouraged and blessed and spoken words of grace and love over us. For that we are grateful. At the same time, no matter how many "you guys are great" or "what your doing is awesome" comments that we get, we really aren't special or unique. Our journey to today is God's work and not due to something in us.
The truth is we are scared a lot of the time. The "what ifs" have ruined many a nights sleep. And like all parents we are ill-equipped and helpless when it comes to seeing our deepest desires fulfilled for our children.
Today, with our hearts heavy with emotions, I also feel like I have heavy feet even as we head out the door.
At the same time feeling weak, small and empty isn't a fearsome thing when you know the Savior. Today more than an other day, I know the meaning of the words: "I hear the Savior say thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in me thine all in all."
We covet your prayers in the days ahead. My own prayer is that I would remain, weak and small and empty so that our Savior can move in mighty ways in the days ahead.
If you are feeling small or weak or empty today look to the big, powerful, and over-flowing love, mercy, and grace of our Savior. It is more than enough.
