I've not laughed much lately. Not like I used to. I've written about part of that story here before. However, over the past few weeks, I've begun to thaw out a bit and it has been wonderful to have my eyes re-opened to the absurdity of life. As testament to that absurdity and hopefully to bring you a little laughter I offer a few conversations from my daughters:
Our girls discussing the fact that they currently have eggs for possible future babies in their bodies:
M: "you mean I am going to have hundreds and thousands of eggs coming out of me?"
ME: "well yes, I suppose so...but...ummm...."
A: (with some panic in her voice): "BUT I'M ALLERGIC TO EGGS!"
There is no parenting class to prepare for these kinds of moments.
M to A: "you won't have your golden birthday until you are old! You'll be 29."
A, very matter of factly: "yeah...I probably won't even really have one because husbands are really bad at that kind of thing."
Apparently I've set the bar really low for my future son-in-law.
M to A: "This is the second time I've found a bandaid in socks! That's gross! No more!!!"
The joys of sisters sharing clothes. I'd be grossed out finding old bandaids in my socks too.
M to A: "Lisa Frank is a famous artist! She makes such beautiful things!"
Their mother is proud.
A to her grandma: "Grandma, are you used to being old now?"
So mom, are you?
A: "We had music today which I don't like. He told us rules, rules, rules and he told us we need to use our best singing voice. I don't ever use my best singing voice."
Mom: "What voice do you use then?"
A: "My rock and roll voice!"
She has yet to reveal that rock and roll voice to us but I am excited for that moment to come.
Kids are pretty easy fodder for laughter for me. What makes you laugh?
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
My Brother's Keeper
The words came quickly: "that looks like a bad dude"
as if he were subhuman, deplorable, and crude.
He bore God's perfect image, formed in his mother's womb.
Now he rests in heaven on the other side of the tomb.
Pundits plead their cases and cold hearts' defend their steel
From the streets, a man's blood cries. His family weeps and reels.
No longer will he sing with the choir in his church.
This sad reality should make your stomach lurch.
I watch and mourn, but cannot say "what if it'd been me?"
For men like me tend not to suffer such brutality.
The voice of my brother's blood calls out from stony ground,
His blood -- red, like mine -- seeps from a crumpled mound.
When God demands answers, I am my brothers keeper.
Though injustice should abound, may His mercy run much deeper.
as if he were subhuman, deplorable, and crude.
He bore God's perfect image, formed in his mother's womb.
Now he rests in heaven on the other side of the tomb.
Pundits plead their cases and cold hearts' defend their steel
From the streets, a man's blood cries. His family weeps and reels.
No longer will he sing with the choir in his church.
This sad reality should make your stomach lurch.
I watch and mourn, but cannot say "what if it'd been me?"
For men like me tend not to suffer such brutality.
The voice of my brother's blood calls out from stony ground,
His blood -- red, like mine -- seeps from a crumpled mound.
When God demands answers, I am my brothers keeper.
Though injustice should abound, may His mercy run much deeper.
His name was Terence Crutcher and his life mattered.
Black Lives Matter
Thanks to Kim Danneker for helping make this readable.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Sackcloth and Ashes
I turned 35 a few days ago. I am now closer to 40 than 30 and have acquired the requisite receding hairlines and love handles to prove it. My excuse is that I am in ministry and I am trying to "be relevant" to others in their 30's. That isn't entirely or even remotely true but it softens the blow to the ego a little bit.
Aging and failing bodies are inevitable for us all. The bones and joints and sinews that God knit together in the womb can't avoid suffering the degenerative effects of life in a broken world. Even non-believers carry a sense of "this is not the way its supposed to be" when faced with sickness and death.
One of the "this is not the way its supposed to be" realities that God has put in my life has been a long struggle with anxiety and depression. Typically, I have had relative success managing it with diet, exercise, and sleep, the abc's of self-care for those struggling with these issues. But this year...this year has been different.
My experience this year has been one of sackcloth and ashes.
In the bible we see the people of God putting on sackcloth and sitting in ashes as a powerful sign of mourning, sorrow, and repentance. Usually it is in response to destruction and desolation or the exposure of sin and perversity among the people of God. In all these situations, the people choose to respond to difficult external circumstances by putting on sackcloth and ashes. They choose to enter into it as an act of mourning or to show contrition. There is a volitional act to make ones circumstances, appearance, and inward condition all aligned in despair and mourning.
Depression is different from these biblical depictions because there is no choice to put on sackcloth and ashes. The inward condition becomes stuck even as a person suffering depression might manage to control their outward appearance or experience change in their circumstances.
Depression and anxiety come unbidden and cast a shadow on the world. There is a palpable physical presence to it that is difficult to explain to those who have not bore the burden. Sackcloth and ashes becomes a way of life rather than a momentary choice and in spite of all external appearances.
Peace and joy are the first things to fall. Hope is the last. By God's grace I haven't had to fight to hold on to hope even in those moments when I am fighting for peace and joy. Others are not so fortunate. When our inner lives are in sackcloth and ashes it can be difficult to see things as they truly are.
If you hold a raw onion under your nose while eating an apple it will taste like an onion. It doesn't matter that you can see the apple in front of you. Your senses are confused and the smell in your nose overwhelms the apple taste in your mouth to the point where it tastes like onion. So it is with depression and anxiety: the "onion" in your soul overwhelms the "apple" that external appearances point to. It is hard to taste peace, joy, and hope when the smell of depression and anxiety overwhelm your soul.
I have found that faith is one of the greatest resources for fighting through anxiety and depression. To be very clear, I am not advocating that someone should forgo medication, counseling, and taking care of sleep, diet, and exercise. There are physical realities to be dealt with in whatever manner possible.
However, I want to share two additional things that have helped me fight well as a follower of Jesus Christ. Both things involve a remembering of sorts.
Depression and anxiety come unbidden and cast a shadow on the world. There is a palpable physical presence to it that is difficult to explain to those who have not bore the burden. Sackcloth and ashes becomes a way of life rather than a momentary choice and in spite of all external appearances.
Peace and joy are the first things to fall. Hope is the last. By God's grace I haven't had to fight to hold on to hope even in those moments when I am fighting for peace and joy. Others are not so fortunate. When our inner lives are in sackcloth and ashes it can be difficult to see things as they truly are.
If you hold a raw onion under your nose while eating an apple it will taste like an onion. It doesn't matter that you can see the apple in front of you. Your senses are confused and the smell in your nose overwhelms the apple taste in your mouth to the point where it tastes like onion. So it is with depression and anxiety: the "onion" in your soul overwhelms the "apple" that external appearances point to. It is hard to taste peace, joy, and hope when the smell of depression and anxiety overwhelm your soul.
I have found that faith is one of the greatest resources for fighting through anxiety and depression. To be very clear, I am not advocating that someone should forgo medication, counseling, and taking care of sleep, diet, and exercise. There are physical realities to be dealt with in whatever manner possible.
However, I want to share two additional things that have helped me fight well as a follower of Jesus Christ. Both things involve a remembering of sorts.
The first thing is to remember those times and places where God's grace was present and where His power and protection and grace were visible in your life.
In the old hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" there is a line with a peculiar word that helps explain how this works: "here I raise my Ebenezer". And what in the world is an Ebenezer besides the first name of the Dickens character that inspired Scrooge McDuck? An Ebenezer is a "stone of help" that serves as a reminder of the Lord's power, protection, and blessing.
Taken from the Old Testament account of Israelite's crossing the Jordan River and the 1 Samuel 7 account of God's victory over the Philistines on behalf of Israel, an Ebenezer is a physical and visual testimony to God's gracious work in the lives of His people. These "stones of help" are to serve posterity as a reminder that God is present and powerful.
When anxiety and depression cling close it is important to remember those times and ways that God worked in your life. For me, I've kept numerous notes, emails, trinkets, or other little things through the years to serve as reminders of God's goodness to me. In seeing them I am reminded of God's faithfulness even when my heart is having a hard time seeing it.
While stones of remembrance help us look back in time, the second kind of remembering looks forward. This second remembering is what has allowed me to hold on to hope even when joy and peace elude my grasp. We can fight for hope by looking forward as we remember and cling to the promises of God.
I have trained my heart to grab on to specific applicable promises of God when darkness settles in. This is to remind myself of what is mine in Christ. Philippians 4:6-7 is one promise and passage that has fought countless battles on my behalf: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Whatever your struggles or particular anxieties, there are promises in scripture to hold on to that we can trust. Scour God's word for those promises and learn to bring them to mind when the anxiety comes. This practice has done more for my soul than anything else in my life. Even when joy and peace have felt distant, hope in God has remained because the trustworthiness of His promises has never failed.
Jesus Christ's inauguration speech in Luke 4:18-19 is recycled material from Isaiah 61 where God speaks promises of deliverance. I suppose Jesus is cleared of any plagiarism charges because He also spoke those original words to Isaiah.
In commencing his ministry as the fulfillment of all God's promises (1 Cor. 1:20) Jesus chose words of deliverance and freedom. He ends with verse two of Isaiah 61 but verse three contains an additional promise for freedom and deliverance that offers hope to all those struggling in the sackcloth and ashes of depression and anxiety. In verse three we see an exchange of the ashes of mourning for the oil of joy and the sackcloth of despair for a garment of praise.
I want to close with Isaiah 61:1-3 where we find the incredible hope that sackcloth and ashes will not be the final reality for those struggling with sackcloth and ashes in their souls:
In the old hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" there is a line with a peculiar word that helps explain how this works: "here I raise my Ebenezer". And what in the world is an Ebenezer besides the first name of the Dickens character that inspired Scrooge McDuck? An Ebenezer is a "stone of help" that serves as a reminder of the Lord's power, protection, and blessing.
Taken from the Old Testament account of Israelite's crossing the Jordan River and the 1 Samuel 7 account of God's victory over the Philistines on behalf of Israel, an Ebenezer is a physical and visual testimony to God's gracious work in the lives of His people. These "stones of help" are to serve posterity as a reminder that God is present and powerful.
When anxiety and depression cling close it is important to remember those times and ways that God worked in your life. For me, I've kept numerous notes, emails, trinkets, or other little things through the years to serve as reminders of God's goodness to me. In seeing them I am reminded of God's faithfulness even when my heart is having a hard time seeing it.
While stones of remembrance help us look back in time, the second kind of remembering looks forward. This second remembering is what has allowed me to hold on to hope even when joy and peace elude my grasp. We can fight for hope by looking forward as we remember and cling to the promises of God.
I have trained my heart to grab on to specific applicable promises of God when darkness settles in. This is to remind myself of what is mine in Christ. Philippians 4:6-7 is one promise and passage that has fought countless battles on my behalf: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Whatever your struggles or particular anxieties, there are promises in scripture to hold on to that we can trust. Scour God's word for those promises and learn to bring them to mind when the anxiety comes. This practice has done more for my soul than anything else in my life. Even when joy and peace have felt distant, hope in God has remained because the trustworthiness of His promises has never failed.
Jesus Christ's inauguration speech in Luke 4:18-19 is recycled material from Isaiah 61 where God speaks promises of deliverance. I suppose Jesus is cleared of any plagiarism charges because He also spoke those original words to Isaiah.
In commencing his ministry as the fulfillment of all God's promises (1 Cor. 1:20) Jesus chose words of deliverance and freedom. He ends with verse two of Isaiah 61 but verse three contains an additional promise for freedom and deliverance that offers hope to all those struggling in the sackcloth and ashes of depression and anxiety. In verse three we see an exchange of the ashes of mourning for the oil of joy and the sackcloth of despair for a garment of praise.
I want to close with Isaiah 61:1-3 where we find the incredible hope that sackcloth and ashes will not be the final reality for those struggling with sackcloth and ashes in their souls:
The Year of the Lord’s Favor
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
You Can't Handle the Truth
In a morally bankrupt secular context, truth carries no value a part from what any one person might think or feel it means. Part of the craziness of our present culture is that many leaders, platforms, and voices are folks who at the end of the day don't really believe in any real sense of the word.
For those of us who claim to follow the Truth (he goes by the name of Jesus) we are left in the confusing position of adhering to something that others are unable to see or acknowledge. It is a bit of a reverse "emperor's new clothes" where we dress ourselves in truth and righteousness and everyone else can't see that we truly and actually have them on. It's not that society is playing along and pretending they can see something that isn't there like in the story. Instead, society fails to see something that truly is there. In Christ we truly do have new clothes and we've been given eyes to see them!
Still, many believers get things wrong about Truth. Those of us who love Truth and what it has done for our lives tend to act like it is something we carry or wield and throw at others. We think we can pick it up and show it off and bring it with us. We get possessive of it and in the process it starts to look more like us rather than us looking more like it. In reality, Truth is far too big for us to carry or grasp. We only see and know those parts of it which God has chosen to reveal to us.
Instead of imagining truth as something to carry with us or to throw at others we ought to imagine truth as a bedrock, something to stand on and anchor ourselves in. We don't throw or carry truth around so much as we rest ourselves on it and walk upon it. For those that don't know Jesus they will ultimately break themselves upon the bedrock of Truth even if they can't see or feel it beneath their feet.
Our hearts have a funny way of resisting Truth. A quick look at the world and at ourselves and we realize that humans are endlessly inventive in finding ways of avoiding Truth. To be honest, our sinfulness can't handle the Truth apart from His atoning work on the cross.
Truth, properly understood, is a solid rock upon which we stand. Truth is also something upon which we can be broken. Truth is not something so insignificant as to be carried with us or thrown around. If we can acknowledge this we are better armed for dealing with "truth" claims in life.
- We need to know that Truth doesn't need our defending. Truth has the armies of heaven on his side. Truth needs proclaiming and articulation but defensiveness is not a posture appropriate to someone resting on Truth. We can be bold and calm and generous and gentle and patient in our discourse because the foundation is secure.
- We can't force others to "grasp" Truth any more than we ourselves can grasp Truth. We don't "grasp" the ground we walk on, we simply take the next step trusting it to be sure. Our sure steps and steady gait say more than we realize in a world drowning in sinking sand.
- When we feel defensive there is more than a small chance that we are defending a part of our heart more than the Truth. Typically, there is some pride, selfishness, or idolatry that is bumping up against the harder-than-diamond Truth and we are avoiding the painful process of having that broken down in our hearts.
- Where Truth is especially hidden (which is most everywhere in this world) in areas like politics or academia we need to find ways to slow the conversation down. Strong language, just like strong sentiments, and big words, just like big emotions, have no direct correlation to Truth. We can't mistake the language and emotions that get thrown about for the Truth that we stand on. Take time and dig deep and pray for wisdom. The pace of many discussions today (hello comments sections) is the perfect way for lies and discord to be sown. SLOW DOWN!
- The truth hurts, or so the saying goes. This is true in our own lives when we see our sin and brokenness in the light of the Truth. It is much more true for those who, through hardness of heart, are perhaps in the process of being broken upon the rock of Truth for the first time. Lets not add to the pain.
Truth can be hard to see and follow in a world full of smoke and mirrors. Following Jesus is the only way that we can really keep our hearts attuned to what is true. Commit yourself to looking to him for wisdom and clarity. He is a solid rock and we can trust him to always be true.
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