The truth is that we are all grossly under-equipped as parents. For example, no one told me before becoming a parent that I would have to learn to hold in laughter when everything in my body is trying to burst out in gut-busting hysterics. For instance, when:
- my charming, handsome 2 year old son yells "look Mom" only to squat down and rip off a fart so big that the gas must have filled his entire GI tract.
- tears flow out of the eyes of my sweet, but often ridiculously emotional, daughter because she doesn't want the Easter Bunny to know how she got a comb stuck in her hair.
- mispronunciations from my children produce accidental innuendos that would draw immediate censure from the FCC.
Parenting classes should teach laughter restraint if they really wanted to be helpful.
Another parenting skill I lack is making wise decisions about age appropriate learning for my children. I love seeing my kids exploring, learning, and trying new things. The problem is I don't filter the "Aaron can do this" scenarios through the "should a 2/5/7 year old do this" filter. This explains why:
- my then 2 year old daughter ended up on the roof with me watching the sunset after I finished cleaning the gutters (my wife loooooooved this one).
- all of my children have tasted hot sauce, limes, unsweetened cranberry juice (which is horrible!) and other things at far too early an age. In my defense my eldest does now enjoy mildly spicy foods.
- my kids have all been asked by me to "not tell mommy about this."
I keep praying that God would give me more wisdom in this arena but when I am in the moment it has always been easier to forge ahead. How my wife stays sane, yet alone alive, while having to deal with me on top of our kids is a mystery.
It is likely that I survived to adulthood largely on account of my mother's prayers. My being married at all certainly is proof that she prayed well. She did her best to get me and my brothers housebroken and able to care for ourselves. However, I have found that as a parent I probably don't have some of the self-care stuff figured out as well she would have hoped. For example:
- I can't for the life of me help my kids match their clothes. I have a hard time disagreeing with my daughter's assessment that two differently colored/patterned clothing items match because they are both floral. Flowers are flowers right?
- My children think that a doughnut is a perfectly acceptable and healthy breakfast choice. If it is good enough for daddy it is good enough for them.
- Like their father, my kids are convinced that while at the cabin a jump in the lake is as good as a shower or bath regardless of how long it has been since soap has touched the body. No need to waste water.
Raising kids is tough work and takes skills beyond what any classes might teach you. It seems like almost every week I have some incompetence revealed. Some of the required skills for being a good parent continue to escape my grasp.
That being said, my love for my kids is tremendous. At the end of the day that is what matters most. By God's grace we don't have to be perfect parents. We don't have to have all the skills.
It took some practice but I can now cut myself some slack for giving my daughters the ugliest ponytails known to man, And while I have made peace with having played a part in them finding humor in an untimely fart my wife is still in process.
Even in the bigger things in life I can also find grace and freedom. For me parenting has become more about spending time on my knees in prayer admitting I am outmatched than it is about figuring it all out.
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