I was a bit of an awkward kid. Not shocking to those who know me. Granted, most adults look back and can point to a year or two where they could say the same about themselves. In my case that phase spanned nearly half of my school years. There are some who would argue (and not without reason) that I have remained perpetually awkward.
Entering middle school, I was quite unaware of my being a bit of a social outcast. I was happy to have my books and Legos to come home to. By the time I hit high school I had made some inroads with some good friends, but to anyone with eyes, was clearly still a bit of an outsider. I can remember some coming of age moments in 8th and 9th grade where my social awareness came online and I realized that it might be nice to belong, perhaps even be popular.
The truth is I never made it into the “in” crowd. It bothered me a bit at the time, but looking back I can see how my social unawareness was a blessing in disguise as I never got too caught up in the trappings of popularity. A nerd I shall always be!
I think we all have impulses to belong and to fit in no matter how awkward or socially unaware we may be. Being created in God’s image, we all have an innate desire to be identified as a part of certain circles. This longing for relational acceptance runs so deep that people do some crazy things to fit in, often against their better judgement. One only needs to look at fashion trends to realize how true this is.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have come to see the vanity and foolishness of seeking acceptance according to the world. The world has many different crowds with whom I could try to gain favor, but none of them can really offer the kind of free acceptance that is offered in Christ. Of course I can say I see the foolishness of this while simultaneously struggling against my desire to fit in with others.
When we read “God with us” in scripture it is worth our time to reflect on who the “us” actually is. The “us” that God is "with" is the only crowd that we should long to find acceptance with.
Thankfully, to be in that crowd we don’t need to figure out what others in the group like. There is a temptation to work for their acceptance. God, however, has something different for “us”. Rather than trying to curry favor with the group, we need to look at what God says about that group. The “us” that God is with is only defined by God and not by those who are included in the group. Try as we and others may to put boundaries and contingencies on who is in and who is out of God's family, only God has the final word.
Scripture has a lot to say about who God sees as being in the “God with us” crowd. Scripture also shows over and over that we humans get it wrong with shocking regularity. Throughout Israel’s history and in Jesus’ ministry, we see people who don’t quite understand what is required to be a part of the “in” crowd. Whether Cain, whose sacrifice was rejected, wayward kings who relied on power, or Pharisees who hoped in religious, rule-following fervor, we see that it is far too easy to come up with our own standards for being with God.
Isaiah 57:15 gives a really simple explanation of who really belongs to the “God with us” crowd:
"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite."
It turns out that there isn’t much required for one to gain admittance into the “in” crowd. If you have got a lowly and contrite heart, God will dwell with you. Pretty simple. No trappings of fame, striving for acceptance, or posturing for favor with others. No rules to follow, ceremonies to observe, or sacrifices to offer.
A simple state of the heart and mind, a certain posture of the soul are the only things required for admittance into the “with God” crowd.
I say simple, but recognize that humility and contrition are actually quite difficult for most of us. In fact, it may be the hardest thing ever asked of us. It requires us to lay down our lives and give up all that we or others might think to be worthy about us. To be humble and contrite is to recognize that we ultimately have nothing worthy of earning acceptance. It acknowledges that only God can give us what we need in order to be a part of His crowd.
The apostle Paul points us towards this reality in Philippians when he says: “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”
Paul was the coolest of the cool, as he points out in the verses just before these. He had everything and did everything that would lead others to grant him approval and favor. In coming to know Christ he lays it all down in favor of a humble and contrite heart. Being “with God” was so much more valuable than anything else Paul might have had or any other group he might have found acceptance with.
Christmas gives us a great opportunity to reflect on what group we are in. Chances are you will have half a dozen or so gatherings this holiday season. Each gathering represents a group with its own requirements for admittance. As you weave in and out of these groups, take time to consider what each one asks of you.
Is it job performance?
Falling back into a certainly family dynamic (even if you know it is unhealthy)?
Adhering to certain social and moral norms?
Navigating these complex relationships is tricky. Take time to cultivate the humble and contrite heart that gains you admittance to the “God with us” crowd. Others might not see or appreciate it as you enter your various gatherings, but trust that God sees it and is truly with you.
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