Hard Conversations

I have had a week filled with hard conversations. Emotional conversations. Frustrating and confusing conversations. And I have loved it. Not because I enjoy the discomfort of the conversation but because I enjoy the fruit of the conversation. I have been thinking about what comes from leaning in to difficult subjects with people you know, love, and trust. It takes openness and a vulnerability and humility that is uncommon but if and when we can sit in the conversation long enough God begins to work something new in our hearts and minds.

As I have reflected on this week of loaded conversations I have discovered some fruitful outcomes that are a good reminder for me to engage in other difficult conversations:

• Staying present in another's pain and being able to bring your pain before them builds trust. The trust is not in the other person's actions, productivity, or ability to achieve certain things but rather the trust is in their heart and their person. When your can safely bring your intimate thoughts and feelings before others and not be crushed by them something beautiful happens in a relationship.
• Truth found together is cherished differently. There is a bond forged between people through the heat of discussions that go long enough and hard enough to get to the truth.
• Truth found together creates accountability. There is no power dynamic at play when two people truly come to an understanding through a fair process of discussion. The agreement is mutual, two-way, and something that each party can see as existing independently of any one person. It isn't "your" truth or "my" truth, but the truth.
• Saying hard things brings things in to the light. God's grace will only work on those things that we bring into the light. 
• Hard conversations force introspection. Self inventory can be hard but having someone else challenge you with new or different thoughts or observations can reveal things you wouldn't see otherwise. Imagine shining a flashlight into a dark room (your heart/life). You can see certain things well but other things remain hidden. A hard conversation and a trustworthy friend is like having a mirror placed in that room to reflect and bounce the light into new places. It multiplies and spreads the light giving you a better picture of what is there.
• Struggling through difficult issues helps you humbly realize that you might not have all the answers. While some people desperately want resolution and clarity, sticking with it through long conversations helps you realized that with some issues, especially those involving people and relationships, there isn't going to be a day where it is all figured out. Instead you can commit yourself to a journey and a process.
• Difficult conversations help you laugh at yourself. Eventually something has to break the tension, and more often than not that seems to come when someone is willing to laugh at their own mistake or missteps. 
• Hard and emotional conversations bring you to the Lord in prayer with a soft heart yearning for comfort and healing, desperate for truth and righteousness that acknowledges our absolute dependence on Him for receiving those things.

I am a passive-aggressive, stoic Minnesotan so hard, honest, and intimate conversations don't come easily. This week, even with all of its struggles and emotional wear and tear, is helping me see that there is great fruitfulness to taking the time and energy to dig in. Next step for me is thinking more about helpful and healthy ways to do that.