When Rest Is Hard

At the beginning of this year I chose “rest” as my ‘word for the year’. The idea was that I would spend the year reflecting on and seeking rest. Back in March I provided a quarter-year check-in on what the experience has been like. At the time I was encouraged by what I was learning and where I was at in terms of experiencing rest.

As a believer I knew that experiencing rest wasn’t simply a passive, action-less state. Instead rest is an active intentional pursuit of and connection with God regardless of the relative peacefulness of our circumstances. The last few months have definitely been a trial period for the thought that we can find rest in the midst of a busy, crazy life filled with unforeseen rough patches.

I don’t think that thought has failed me and I certainly don’t think God has failed me but I have failed to live that out. To be honest, I have been feeling pretty raggedy, worn out, and beat up at various stretches for the past few months. To quote a drunk man I ran into in the city: “Life just got all ‘lifey’”.

So what to do while I feel so worn out in the midst of a year spent pursuing rest?

Vacation might help. So might getting rid of the kids for a weekend. Or delegating some work responsibilities.

But I don’t think any of those is an answer for me right now. You see, part of what I’ve learned about my pursuit of rest and peace is that it is found in God and that it is accomplished through a relationship with him. Rest and peace come from relationships, primarily with Him. In order to experience rest we need God and we need community.

We rest in the arms of a loved one.

We rest in the warmth of a parent’s approving smile.

We rest in the laughter and ridiculous antics of a long-time friend.

We rest in the re-assuring eyes of a spouse whose eyes say: “you’ve got this.”

And we ache for the return of a loved one knowing their return will bring peace.

And we long for the good old days when time and space allowed for more relationships .

And we despair of being citizens of another kingdom, tarrying here until we are called to that place we will call home.  The place where other loved ones have gone before. The place where our First Love awaits us forever.

And so as I have struggled with finding rest and peace these past several weeks I have had to fight my tendency to withdraw and my desire to be alone. Those things aren’t bad, but as I have searched my heart and asked God to search me I have realized that I don’t really long for solitude. I long for Him and for His home and His family. Because He is my loving Father and His home is my home and His family is my family.

As a deer pants for water so my soul longs for him. And my soul longs for more of those cherished relationships that point me towards him.

Today I am feeling restful. Time at the lake with the Word, a slow morning with my family, and a few days spent with loved ones who love the Lord is a balm for the soul. A few days ago I thought I needed to be alone. When it gets noisy with all the kids I still think that! But much better that being alone has been being around people who can help me re-orient my life around seeking God.

Perhaps you too are craving rest. I’d encourage you to not go about finding it all on your own. Spend time on your relationship with God. Then call on those people who best point you towards him.

If you are not in that place of longing, let God use you to help bring that peace to someone else. Call that friend you haven’t talked to in a while to encourage them. Connect with that Facebook friend that you saw was going through a hard time so that you can know how to pray for them. Call your parents and tell them you love them.  Invite your single/widow/widower neighbor over for coffee or dessert. Or maybe, in the quiet and calm of the rest and peace that you have, pray the same for your loved ones.

It is often far easier to do some good in this world than we imagine. We just may help someone else connect with God along the way.