Rest

Sleep is one of those things that all people have figured out right from birth, along with breathing, eating, and ...you know...other bodily functions. I have the unfortunate problem of really stinking at sleeping. Because of this mystifying inability to adequately perform one of the bodies most basic functions I love naps. I really love naps. They incorporate my love of quiet with my love of feeling rested, which my normal, try-to-sleep-through-the-night-like-normal-people patterns so cruelly rob me of. So to clarify: I love naps.

Unfortunately I have children. Noisy, messy, nap-depriving-but-still-lovable children.

So why am I writing about naps?

Thanks for asking!

I am writing about naps because I have been thinking a lot this year about the idea of rest and naps are all about getting rest. I can go from groggy and grouchy to bright and bubbly with a 15 minute power nap. 

Sorry. I lied. Those who know me know that I don't do bright and bubbly. Perhaps stoic, serious, with an occasional bit of silly? Anyway, naps are great for refreshing our bodies and minds regardless of how your personality does "refreshed".

The idea of being refreshed and feeling rested has taken on new importance to me the past few months. This year rather than setting a New Years 'resolution that I would have no hope of fulfilling,  I picked "REST" as my word-for-the-year. I did this out of a desire for my walk with God to be marked more and more by resting in Him. Augustine said it so well all those years ago: "Our heart is restless, until it finds its rest in thee." So this year I am pursuing rest.

Not sleep.

Not a lack of busyness . 

Soul-satisfying, life-giving, heart-filling rest. 

The kind of rest that comes from deep contentment.

The kind of rest that becomes possible with an abiding sense of security in something other than yourself.

The kind of rest that grows out of the humble admission that we are not as important (or less important) than we often tell ourselves. 

The kind of rest that allows you to see yourself exactly as you are and see your circumstances exactly as they are and still have the audacity to say everything will be all right.

That is the kind of rest that I have been actively pursuing this year. Notice that I said "actively pursuing". My three months spent focusing on 'rest' this year have taught me that we need to be deliberate in going after rest if we really are going to get what we desire.

Many people are too busy (at least, if not especially, in their minds) to ever know that it is rest that they are looking for. So they never pursue it. The internal restlessness is often something that they can't name or identify. This leads them to throw themselves in to all sorts of things, both good and bad, that they think can satisfy that "itch" in their soul: relationships, wealth, reputation, appearances, family, drugs, sex, and so on and so on. 

Except none of these things bring rest. Instead they create a monster that we are terrified of but don't know what to do with besides continuing to feed it. With our time. With our sleepless nights. With our hearts and souls and lives. 

Oh, but rest is out there. Identifying my need for rest has been a great starting point for me but I have also learned that this pursuit of rest needs to be aggressively active. Too often we confuse inactivity with rest. Don't confuse your inactivity with rest! God is waiting to enter with His rest but we need to open our hearts and minds and lives to the possibility that He does in fact know what is best for us.

So I am not there yet but here is what has helped me so far in this journey:

• Finding rest in God comes from willful, intentional, ongoing relational focus on His love, provision, care, sovereignty, and goodness.
• Rest in God can come in the midst of chaos, uncertainty, and busyness when you are looking to God for life, purpose, and joy.
• Reminders to find rest come from surprising places. My favorite has been the way my stinky-morning-breath, unkempt-hair, not-awake-enough-to-be-intelligible daughters crawl in bed with me some mornings just so that we can be in one another's presence. I want to relate to God that way rather than feeling like I need to be presentable first!
• Resting in God does wonders for an anxiety ridden, burden bearing personality.
• Scripture comes alive with beautiful, intimate, warm, God-drawing-near stories and moments we are resting in Him.

How do you find rest in life? What helps you rest in God? Have you acknowledged that rest is one of your deepest needs?

If I Ran Things...

A cursory look at the world reveals that pretty much everything was done without consulting me for input. I love solving problems and so I thought I'd give some thought to how I would do things if I were in charge for a day. After reading my suggestions I am sure that you will concede that I deserve the honor of being in charge. So without further ado, here are my top suggestions for changing and improving the world we live in:

• All bathroom stalls should be built so that the doors swing away from the toilet. No one wants to have to straddle a toilet simply to get the door open to get out of the stall. You never know when a quick exit will be necessary and the inward opening doors are helping no one. Seriously, who made the decision that the doors, with the exception of those gloriously spacious and airy handicap stalls, should open inward forcing the user to perform an awkward acrobatic dance around the toilet?

• Decorative bed pillows should be strictly banned. I can see an environmental group backing me up on this one because of all the excessive waste. The truth behind decorative pillows is that some manufacturer paid Nate Berkus to think of a way to sell extra cotton batting and gaudy fabrics. When I travel without my wife I always have a moment of panic when going to bed because without her I don't know what to do with all of the extra pillows on the hotel bed. I have little room in my life for such unnecessary frivolities especially when our bedroom at home is roughly the size of our bed leaving no room for extra pillows.  Long sigh.......

• I am an introvert who loves quiet but also loves being around people....if they are mostly quiet. My children have me in a bit of a bind on this one. My thought is that all people should be given a daily word limit for speaking after which silence is enforced. This solution is entirely self-serving for me but then I can be around people (which I love) and still have quiet (which I also love) . Besides, if you can't say what you need to say in a given day with a set number of words it's probably not worth saying.  I think if we had to be selective with our spoken words we would say far fewer things that we regret and more things that are encouraging.

• People who use the self-checkout lanes in grocery stores should be pre-approved. They should have to pass a test proving their ability to quickly and efficiently work a retail counter. I always get stuck behind the slooooooowest people in those lines.  Anyone else have that problem? "Sir, that is a cabbage. It doesn't have a bar-code." "The bar-code is in the same place on all 30 of those cans. You shouldn't need to look every single one over."  "Oh, you forgot something? Do I mind waiting? For 15 minutes?" "What's that ma'am? You only have singles to feed the machine to pay for your $73 total?"  If you don't know how to work a scanner or retail counter you simply shouldn't be in that line.  I would be so pleased if people had to earn a permit or pass in order to use those things.

• This last one may be a bit contentious, but I think all airline passengers should have to sign an agreement that they will smell their best while flying. In addition, any passengers that deem their flatulence a fitting addition to a small enclosed space should be quarantined to a special section. If I am paying good money to travel by plane I should be guaranteed a flight not best remembered for the smell wafting down the aisle from the passenger in 17C. My last few flights have been doozies. As a tall man already uncomfortably squeezing in to a too-small seat, the added punishment on my olfactory receptors probably warrants discussions of cruel and unusual punishment.

I should probably state up front that I only have my wife's support for two of these world-changing solutions. Perhaps I should turn my problem solving skills to bigger issues but we all know how our pet peeves have a way of consuming us. These are quality of life issues that, when properly thought through, help free us to truly unleash our best towards the bigger issues in life!  

What about you? What would you add to my list? What ideas have you had for fixing some of the stupid, annoying, or ridiculous things that you encounter in life? If I run for office can I count on your vote?

I Hate Being Right All The Time

Confession: The title of this post is misleading. I am not actually right all the time in arguments and debates. I just like to think I am. Besides, my wife has already reserved the claim of "being-right-all-the-time" for herself!

 I jest. Seriously Erica, sorry about using you for a joke. It was funny in my head. Maybe I should delete it? Never mind.

Getting back to me always being right, the truth is that none of us is 'right' as often as we think we are. Even when we are right in an argument we aren't happy with just knowing we are right. We have to prove that we are right even if it comes at a cost.

In nearly every context we find ourselves we end up trying to prove, justify, and otherwise convince ourselves or others that we are 'right'.

Our viewpoint is right.

Our behavior is justified.

Our attitudes are warranted.

We have all the facts we need.

And so on and so on. Fill in the script from your own internal dialogue.

It doesn't matter if it is with family, friends, or coworkers or if it is related to politics, social problems, or interpersonal issues, there is something about the human heart that likes to be right and that likes others to know we are right. All of this creates collateral damage to people and relationships that we seemingly don't care about as long as we are right.

We need to be aware of what being 'right' can cost us. The desire to be right at all costs can be really hard to fight and can lead us to say things in a manner that is entirely unhelpful. I have painfully learned that it is possible to win an argument while simultaneously losing the person. I can be right, prove I am right to another person, and in the process turn that person's heart away from me.

 I majored in philosophy in college, and while I am a poor philosopher, I feel like I was well trained to know how to appear 'right' even when I don't have much solid ground to stand on. Couple this skill of arguing well with my often proud and defensive heart and you have a recipe for disaster. If my desire is simply to be right without regard for the relationship or without concern for the manner in which I prove I am right, it becomes very easy to push people away. Having to always prove that I am right can become a very lonely experience.

This impulse to prove myself as being 'right' in arguments or discussions runs deep for me. Maybe it is just me but there is a very tempting kind of satisfaction that comes from proving another's point of view to be wrong. I've had to work hard to fight against this desire to prove myself to be right.

So what to do when that impulse to prove myself comes up? I have learned that both grace and truth are necessary and that the fight for a relationship is often more important than the fight for the truth. So, to help me fight that internal, self protecting and self justifying tendency I have a few questions that help me get perspective on when to to fight to be right and when to let it go.

• Is this person important? 
• The answer is always yes, although with varying degrees. My daughters have greater claim on me than my neighbor who in turn has greater claim on me than someone from a comment section on a blog. 
• Is this subject important? 
• Be honest and objective. Don't let emotions or the moment carry you away. Avoid patterns or habits of confrontation or debate that can come to define a relationship with someone. I have watched my girls fight over who had which colored cup last and been frustrated only to remember doing the same thing as a kid. People sure love to fight over dumb stuff, sometimes even forgetting what they are fighting over.
• Would being 'right' sever or significantly damage the relationship or prevent future opportunities for being a positive or winsome voice to the person?
• You can be 'right' once with a person and never again have an opportunity to engage them because of it. While I hate the combative posture it assumes I think there is some wisdom in the phrase "you can lose a battle to win the war". Preserving a relationship, building deeper trust and coming back another time to re-engage the discussion is a valuable thing.
• Do I have all the facts? Is the subject more complicated than I am acknowledging?
• A lot of times we operate on a partial set of information. If you are getting your talking points from any major media source it is guaranteed that you are operating from a purposefully screened set of facts! If you haven't allowed your spouse to explain his or her side your not ready to give your side. The more important the subject the more time you should spend digging for information.
• Have I heard the other side and given serious, honest consideration to why someone thinks the way they do?
• Beyond investigating the facts, work hard to have empathy. Look at what experiences or feelings or religious/worldview perspectives are informing their views. Your dismissal of an issue near and dear to someone else's heart can be just as damaging as your arguments against their views. Listen well before ever speaking.

A humble and honest conversation is a rare thing in today's world. Check out a comment section online, watch some political discourse, or tune in to the idiots professionals paid to talk about politics if you need examples. You don't need to follow their example. Unless you are needing votes or getting paid to appear 'right' there is simply no need for that kind of rancor. For myself I hope that my marriage, friendships, other relationships are never marked by such ugly discourse.

Slow down that internal compulsion to prove you are right and acknowledge that the person across from you is probably more important than the issue between you. It might save friendship or marriage. Or it might open new doors for enriching your life through friendship with folks you have previously dismissed. In the long run, it might even give you a greater chance to prove you are right if you still care to do so.

Thank God I've Changed: Reflections on Middle School

I spent the weekend helping run a retreat for 40 or so middle school and high school boys. I don't particularly love middle-schoolers and have only a slightly higher tolerance for high-schoolers so it was a long weekend for me. There could probably be a whole blog post dissecting why I feel this way but I will give two short answers here:

• While teenagers have a physical capacity to carry out decisions that are dumb, crazy, obnoxious, harmful, and otherwise ill-advised, they often have no matching mental capacity to filter through the wisdom of those decisions. Consequences don't quite figure into their planning. The lack of fully developed thinky-thinky parts in the brain is a serious issue! They are a bit like toddlers but instead of having repeated, earnest warnings about not touching the stove ignored, it is repeated warnings about not using the stove to see what is flammable that are ignored.
• Teenagers smell. At least the middle school boys do. They have not learned that doing nothing and/or dousing oneself with Axe body spray are not appropriate solutions to body odor. Soap and regular showers young men! Everyday! 

To temper my criticism it should be noted that at one point I was a teenager much like the one described above. Even so, having endured that teenage reality did nothing to equip my head or heart to deal with others going through the same thing. Lord help me when my girls get to that age!

It should also be noted that being a teenager wasn't such a great thing for me. Apart from having personally survived the reality described above, I was also exceptional at being awkward. Most kids have an awkward stage. Usually lasts a year or so. Mine seems to have lingered for the better part of a decade. A decade isn't even that much of an exaggeration! I can pull out at least 6 school pictures that are quite regrettable/hilarious that confirm the length of my awkward stage.

Speaking of pictures, most of those taken of me during this extended awkward stage reveal a bespectacled, buck-toothed, gangley young man quite unaware of his appearance. Also, for some reason when I tried to smile nice for pictures I ended up looking like I was sniffing a fart. My parents loved me dearly but apparently not enough to protect me from my own fashion sense, choice in glasses, or hair style.

With these kinds of attitudes towards teenagers and my own harrowing experiences being tough to stomach, this last weekend spent with teenagers left me very thankful for one thing: change! Fittingly, the teaching theme for the retreat was 'transformation.' It provided a great opportunity for me to reflect on change in my own life.

It is very easy to look back to my teenage years and see the changes in my life. Apart from the stupid impulsiveness I often indulged and the disconcerting appearance I rocked, I can look at those years and see selfishness, pride, anxiety, pettiness, anger and a host of other behaviors and attitudes that no longer play such a large part in my life.

While it would be wonderful to say all of those things have left me forever we all know that those things have a way of following us into adulthood. Thankfully, I can clearly see that in comparison to those years I am now more and more marked by things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. Not that I can take credit for the change, but it is a welcome change nonetheless.

Comparing my current self to my middle/high school self provided a sharp contrast and one that is easy to distance myself from. It got me thinking about how far back I would have to look to continue to really notice change. What was I like in college? During my first year of marriage? When my first daughter was born? What about last year? Last month? Am I still allowing myself to be transformed?

Everyone grows and changes in middle school and high school but I can look around and see plenty of people who stopped growing or changing shortly thereafter. The same attitudes, behaviors, and character (or lack thereof) that marked their lives a decade ago are still the same. There is no greater measure of virtue, kindness, etc. and apart from some intellectual knowledge they really haven't changed otherwise. They wax nostalgic over high school or college as if they and their lives were better then. I hope that's not true of me.

As I approach that part of life that falls in between the beginning and end (I never want to talk about myself being middle aged!) I hope that I can keep looking back and seeing growth and transformation in my heart and mind. I don't want to have to look back ten or twenty or thirty years to see that I have grown in character, in faith, or in .godliness. I desire to be someone who continues to grow as a person but as I get older I find that it doesn't come so quickly and easily.

I plan to spend some time this week not just looking back to see how I've changed but looking forward to see how I can continue to be a person who is growing. While I've finally figured out the weight-gaining kind of growth that I was literally unable to accomplish in middle school, I hope I can also figure out how to be intentional about growing in character. I don't just want my circumstances to change which is what a lot of people mistake for personal change. I actually want my heart and mind and attitudes and character improve and grow and change. As a Christian, I want more and more to reflect the One whose name I bear and whose sacrifice I celebrate. The past is too easy a measuring stick to go by. Instead I want to look to God and His Word to know what my future growth needs to look like.

How about you? Are you still growing? What habits, attitudes, or experiences have you built in your life to keep growing? Do you have accountability from trusted loved ones for your growth? What measuring stick do you use?

To Thine Own Self Be True

"To thine own self be true".

In our post-modern world this line from Shakespeare is a horrible bit of advice especially if thine own true self has a track record of being not such a great person. How can people not see the idiocy of every person being true only to themselves? Oh what a rabbit trail that could be to write on!

Anyway, I don't want to chase down the insanity of post-modern ethical constructs with their groundless and subjective and individualized underpinnings. Instead, I actually want to defend "to thine own self be true" in one specific way that has helped me tremendously in my own growth as as a leader and as a Christian.

For years of my life I carried a very deep and heavy sense of not being "enough" to ever really be a leader. I didn't look like, talk like, or think like what I thought leaders were supposed to look, talk, or think like. I certainly didn't have the charisma to be a leader and couldn't command attention or earn respect like I thought I should. As a shy and introverted person I just couldn't see myself in my pastors, leaders, and coaches and certainly not in more famous or public leaders. I intuitively felt I didn't have what it took to be a leader.

The trouble with this view of myself and leadership was that even though I often had a yearning to be a leader I could see no way of ever becoming one. The best I could picture for myself and the best most others ever saw for me was the possibility to 'lead by example'. When I would hear this about myself I felt like I was just being told I was nice or smart but lacking the capacity to inspire, equip, or mobilize others in a more direct or significant manner. When push came to shove and when the stakes were high I wouldn't have much to offer and would need to step aside for someone else who had the personality to get things done.

So what does Shakespeare have to do with any of this? My sense of not being 'enough' lead to years of trying to become enough, which in my case, really meant becoming someone else. I felt that if I were to lead I couldn't be true to myself.

I spent several years, mostly through college, trying to grow into and become what I thought a leader needed to be: outgoing, energetic, commanding, etc., etc., etc.  I jumped at opportunities to lead thinking that I really could force myself to become someone different. I piled the pressure of needing to  fit a certain image of a leader on top of the actual leadership roles themselves to go along with school, football, track, and everything else that college offers.

Those were some of the most emotionally draining and spiritually dry years of my life. Perhaps you know the brokenness and hurt that comes from trying to live up to expectations that are neither realistic or necessary. As a Christian I certainly wasn't extending grace to myself and trusting God to use me as he had gifted me: quiet, introverted, thoughtful, sometimes smart/sometimes silly, and eager to serve.

My faith ought to have let me rest in Christ and be at peace rather than struggling with the jealousy and anxiety that comes from failing to measure up. Being finite and fallen is everyone's reality but I wasn't allowing that for myself. I wasn't being true to myself in the sense that I didn't know how to lead or walk with God as my own person.

At some point shortly after college I must have gotten tired of playing that game because I slowly have become much more at peace with leading with the gifts and skills that come naturally to me. I recently learned that introversion was only recently removed from many lists of personality disorders which seems to fit with my own growing self awareness.  For years that is what I felt was wrong with me: there is something wrong with me that I need to fix. Thanks be to God that I no longer feel that need to fix myself. Besides, the 'Big Fix' that we celebrate at Easter takes care of the only 'fix' that I have ever really needed.

Over the past decade most of the growth in my walk with God and as a leader have come as I have found my voice, been given opportunity to share from my gifts, and grown in my ability to step out of my comfort zone to speak up and speak out. Learning to connect with God in those ways that come most naturally to me rather than only in the ways others connect to God has been an beautiful experience. Learning to lead and being given opportunities to lead according to how I lead best has even reshaped my goals for family, work, and ministry.

I am still in process and it has taken years to get even this far as a leader. I am finally starting to be 'true to myself' in the sense that I am trusting God to use my strengths, gifts, and skills even while looking around and seeing others leading in very different ways. For my walk with God I am now pursuing relationship with him in ways that fit me rather than trying to duplicate what I see others doing.

So please, if you are working with those quiet and introverted young people who 'lead by example,' help them find their voice and give them a platform that they might not naturally demand. Chances are that if you respect their 'example' you would be wise to help them gain the skills and confidence to lead in other ways as well. Wouldn't you rather have an 'example' you can trust in leadership rather than a 'personality' that you can't trust?

Have a conversation about the blessings and capacities that introverts bring to leadership. If not introverted yourself work hard to connect those young leaders to leaders that they can see themselves becoming. Help them be true to those gifts, skills, and passions that they have been given. To those who did so for me, thank you.

Old People Problems

While not yet a "potbelly" my midsection has grown more convex over the past few years. This is a new development for me and one that I am not taking very well. Descriptors of my body as a child/teen/twenty-something included gangly, scrawny, lean, skinny, and a host of other adjectives generally used for inanimate objects such as microphone stands, saplings, and broomsticks. The gradual change in my appearance has been cause for consternation as my favorite foods are all now attached to the phrase "everything in moderation". Alas, my youthful metabolism is gone.

Remember those booklets or videos from middle school titled something like "My Changing Body?" Maybe I should write or produce a follow-up series titled "My Aging Body." I guarantee there is a market for something like that.

For me, aging would be so much easier to handle if we got to take on all of these things in one fell swoop. We would just wake up one day and be old and simply have to learn to deal with our new reality. Instead I watch my body slowly lose both form and function. My hair isn't gone but its going. My  metabolism isn't gone but its going. My physical stamina for exercise isn't gone but its going. You get the idea.

These changes coupled with a few others (that need not be described here) have left me wondering when the things that I always thought were 'old people problems' became my problems. Since when did pick-up basketball need 3 days of recovery? And why do trips to the barber need to require the line "take it easy on top?"

Needless to say I plan to take on this aging thing with as little grace and dignity as possible. Time and age have this heartless way of moving on without consulting us and so I plan to continue living my life without consulting my aging body.

Truth be told, I have had very few moments in life where I have looked at my past and wished I could go back. Even as outward appearances begin their downward slide I can happily report that the Lord has worked some more positive changes in me as well. More time spent looking inward rather than outward would be good for all of us and it certainly has been for me. Growth in character, deeper and richer relationships, the joys of parenting, and a more intimate walk with God are all products of time and age that are of inestimable value.

Seeing more of these things inwardly working in my life makes growing older a thing of beauty. In reality I'm not yet old enough to really have any gripes about old age and instead I should be counting the ways God continues to bless me. It really is a joy to watch God's continued faithfulness in my life. Young or old I'd encourage you to take inventory of the ways your life has grown richer and more meaningful through the years. You can't go back in time so you might as well go forward with a good attitude.

The fastest man in the world

Step aside Usain Bolt. The world has a new 'fastest man alive'. That's right. My daughters recently bestowed that title upon me.

It sure is nice for my aging, balding, expanding body to be recognized for greatness in athletic achievement. My ego certainly appreciates having children too young and disconnected to the wider world to realize that perhaps I am not the athletic/artistic/intellectual all star they make me out to be.

I earned the 'fastest man alive' title by beating my daughters in a race, me on foot and them on their bikes. Not too tough when they are 4 and 6 and riding second-hand bikes with minor mechanical issues. I tried not to gloat to much.

Actually, my youngest was very quick to point out that I really wasn't the fastest person in the world. My 4 year old quickly countered my 6 year old's "fastest person in the world" declaration with the thought that I was only 3rd: "nuh-uh!!! God is the fastest.....and Jesus.  Daddy is only 3rd".

Jesus is always one-upping me!

I guess I will happily take 3rd in their world as long as possible. I wonder how long I can keep the ruse up? How long until they actually watch me when I take them along when I play basketball? I wonder if they would believe me if I told them I was practicing running in slow motion to make others feel better?

While not trying to be deceptive with my daughters, there is something unique about being able to be a hero is someone's eyes, even if only for a few short years. Hopefully I can continue to parent in a way that warrants trust and respect even as the 'awe' wears out.

Best Parenting Advice Ever

If you resort to searching the internet for parenting advice you probably are not currently in the running for any "parent of the year" awards. Actually if you are coming to me in particular for parenting advice you are even less likely to be in the running. The quote about the blind leading the blind comes to mind.

My parenting isn't filled with catastrophic failures but rather the kind that lead to stained carpet, unkempt looking children, and an exasperated wife. Fatherhood has seen my desires for order and a quiet home interrupted by a long string of mild, humorous, and humbling foibles and follies. With such great parenting accolades who wouldn't want advice from me!

Growing up without sisters left me at a serious disadvantage for raising my two girls. A childhood spent running around in my underwear with a cape on, wrestling my brothers over every conceivable grievance, laughing at their/my frequent flatulence, and participating in every other conceivable boyish act of bravado left me ill equipped for raising daughters.

Which gets me to the best parenting advice ever: admit defeat right from the beginning.

You can't control everything, you can't fix everything, and you can't make choices (big or small) for you children. Maybe it is just my life and household, but sooner or later things move towards chaos. Kids throw up at 2 in the morning, I take work frustrations out on family, 'friends' from school teach my kids new words, and the messiness of life happens (please tell me I'm not the only one).

So why admit defeat? Why not work harder, longer, better? Why not take a class or read some parenting books? (You may want to do those things, but for dramatic effect pretend that I have convinced you that they won't help)

For me acknowledging my inevitable failure (to myself, my spouse, my children and my family and friends) has been a liberating and joyful thing. Knowing that I have and will continue to screw up as parent has actually helped me get the help I need. It helps me seek forgiveness quickly and openly. It given me impetus to ask for help  when I need it (which is often). An added bonus has been that it lets me laugh along the way as I no longer feel such great pressure to "get it right" all the time.

As someone who struggles with anxiety and a compulsion to be the best it has been a joy-giving process to admit that not only am I in over my head as a parent but also that I will continue to be as long as I am trying to be a perfect parent. Being ok with failure, with missteps, and with needing help has given me far more joy in parenting that I would have imagined.

The responsibility of trying to raise a child is a big one but it is one that is intended to be shared.  Give yourself the freedom and joy of admitting defeat often. Ask for help. Seek forgiveness. And most importantly, laugh a lot at your mistakes.

Beginnings

So to start things off I'd like to share about...um...hold on a minute...can I get back to you?

Ok. Turns out I didn't come in to this blog thing with any solid ideas or plans so I'm just going to start writing and see where it ends up. I'm more of a make-it-up-as-I-go sort of guy so any planning would have quickly been thrown to the wayside anyway. Actually,  making  clear plans is usually a precursor to disappointment as things very rarely go according to plan for me. Oh, the sad life of a procrastinating, daydreaming, passive-aggressive Minnesotan.

My obvious lack of planning capacity begs the question of what I hope to accomplish with a blog. Partly I see this as a practice run for a book that I will probably never get around to writing. Partly I feel the online world is lacking in opinions and half-formed thoughts about things that writers have no expertise in. I suppose another part of me thinks that it would cool to have readers from other places thinking they know a lot about me.  Everyone likes stalkers right?

An honest answer for what I hope to see happen with a blog would be that I have been encouraged, challenged, goaded, and otherwise cajoled by different folks through the years to try doing some more writing. I've been told that what little humor or intelligence the Lord has bestowed upon me as a dry, emotionally inert Minnesotan works well in writing.

Truth be told I have found that the proliferation of blogs and 24 hours news over the past years has had an inverse relationship to the overall intelligence, honesty, and civility of online and public discussions. There is also my completely unscientific observation that the art of rhetoric and persuasion is nearly dead in public discourse.  Finally I have a vague sense that social media, while opening some new communication possibilities, has bludgeoned rich vocabulary, poetic beauty, and soul-searching truth nearly to death.

With this dismal and melancholic view of the online world I felt like maybe I could, at least in my little corner of the world, help create an online place for warmth, intelligence, honesty, and humor. If nothing else, I can expose the world to my random, idiosyncratic, obtuse, and unfiltered perspectives. I can imagine a sociologist or anthropologist centuries from now, or perhaps some alien invaders digging through my thoughts here and walking away from them thinking: "well...that's different".