If you resort to searching the internet for parenting advice you probably are not currently in the running for any "parent of the year" awards. Actually if you are coming to me in particular for parenting advice you are even less likely to be in the running. The quote about the blind leading the blind comes to mind.
My parenting isn't filled with catastrophic failures but rather the kind that lead to stained carpet, unkempt looking children, and an exasperated wife. Fatherhood has seen my desires for order and a quiet home interrupted by a long string of mild, humorous, and humbling foibles and follies. With such great parenting accolades who wouldn't want advice from me!
Growing up without sisters left me at a serious disadvantage for raising my two girls. A childhood spent running around in my underwear with a cape on, wrestling my brothers over every conceivable grievance, laughing at their/my frequent flatulence, and participating in every other conceivable boyish act of bravado left me ill equipped for raising daughters.
Which gets me to the best parenting advice ever: admit defeat right from the beginning.
You can't control everything, you can't fix everything, and you can't make choices (big or small) for you children. Maybe it is just my life and household, but sooner or later things move towards chaos. Kids throw up at 2 in the morning, I take work frustrations out on family, 'friends' from school teach my kids new words, and the messiness of life happens (please tell me I'm not the only one).
So why admit defeat? Why not work harder, longer, better? Why not take a class or read some parenting books? (You may want to do those things, but for dramatic effect pretend that I have convinced you that they won't help)
For me acknowledging my inevitable failure (to myself, my spouse, my children and my family and friends) has been a liberating and joyful thing. Knowing that I have and will continue to screw up as parent has actually helped me get the help I need. It helps me seek forgiveness quickly and openly. It given me impetus to ask for help when I need it (which is often). An added bonus has been that it lets me laugh along the way as I no longer feel such great pressure to "get it right" all the time.
As someone who struggles with anxiety and a compulsion to be the best it has been a joy-giving process to admit that not only am I in over my head as a parent but also that I will continue to be as long as I am trying to be a perfect parent. Being ok with failure, with missteps, and with needing help has given me far more joy in parenting that I would have imagined.
The responsibility of trying to raise a child is a big one but it is one that is intended to be shared. Give yourself the freedom and joy of admitting defeat often. Ask for help. Seek forgiveness. And most importantly, laugh a lot at your mistakes.
