A cursory look at the world reveals that pretty much everything was done without consulting me for input. I love solving problems and so I thought I'd give some thought to how I would do things if I were in charge for a day. After reading my suggestions I am sure that you will concede that I deserve the honor of being in charge. So without further ado, here are my top suggestions for changing and improving the world we live in:
- All bathroom stalls should be built so that the doors swing away from the toilet. No one wants to have to straddle a toilet simply to get the door open to get out of the stall. You never know when a quick exit will be necessary and the inward opening doors are helping no one. Seriously, who made the decision that the doors, with the exception of those gloriously spacious and airy handicap stalls, should open inward forcing the user to perform an awkward acrobatic dance around the toilet?
- Decorative bed pillows should be strictly banned. I can see an environmental group backing me up on this one because of all the excessive waste. The truth behind decorative pillows is that some manufacturer paid Nate Berkus to think of a way to sell extra cotton batting and gaudy fabrics. When I travel without my wife I always have a moment of panic when going to bed because without her I don't know what to do with all of the extra pillows on the hotel bed. I have little room in my life for such unnecessary frivolities especially when our bedroom at home is roughly the size of our bed leaving no room for extra pillows. Long sigh.......
- I am an introvert who loves quiet but also loves being around people....if they are mostly quiet. My children have me in a bit of a bind on this one. My thought is that all people should be given a daily word limit for speaking after which silence is enforced. This solution is entirely self-serving for me but then I can be around people (which I love) and still have quiet (which I also love) . Besides, if you can't say what you need to say in a given day with a set number of words it's probably not worth saying. I think if we had to be selective with our spoken words we would say far fewer things that we regret and more things that are encouraging.
- People who use the self-checkout lanes in grocery stores should be pre-approved. They should have to pass a test proving their ability to quickly and efficiently work a retail counter. I always get stuck behind the slooooooowest people in those lines. Anyone else have that problem? "Sir, that is a cabbage. It doesn't have a bar-code." "The bar-code is in the same place on all 30 of those cans. You shouldn't need to look every single one over." "Oh, you forgot something? Do I mind waiting? For 15 minutes?" "What's that ma'am? You only have singles to feed the machine to pay for your $73 total?" If you don't know how to work a scanner or retail counter you simply shouldn't be in that line. I would be so pleased if people had to earn a permit or pass in order to use those things.
- This last one may be a bit contentious, but I think all airline passengers should have to sign an agreement that they will smell their best while flying. In addition, any passengers that deem their flatulence a fitting addition to a small enclosed space should be quarantined to a special section. If I am paying good money to travel by plane I should be guaranteed a flight not best remembered for the smell wafting down the aisle from the passenger in 17C. My last few flights have been doozies. As a tall man already uncomfortably squeezing in to a too-small seat, the added punishment on my olfactory receptors probably warrants discussions of cruel and unusual punishment.
I should probably state up front that I only have my wife's support for two of these world-changing solutions. Perhaps I should turn my problem solving skills to bigger issues but we all know how our pet peeves have a way of consuming us. These are quality of life issues that, when properly thought through, help free us to truly unleash our best towards the bigger issues in life!
What about you? What would you add to my list? What ideas have you had for fixing some of the stupid, annoying, or ridiculous things that you encounter in life? If I run for office can I count on your vote?
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